Self Care for the Flu: Post Healthcare Edition

Face it:  no one thinks they will get the flu and when you are sick you won’t have the energy to remember all the stuff you will need so I’ve compiled this handy guide to help.  Blue tape it on the door to your medicine cabinet.

Day One: Explosive sneezing and mild sore throat.  Cancel all your plans and haul your butt to the grocery store. Purchase the following items:

Manuka Honey

Ginger root

Black Tea

Club Soda




Olive Oil


Feta Cheese

Also The Obvious: Tissues, Cough drops, Bandanas,Masks, Rubbing Alcohol.

Go home and eat pasta with as much raw garlic, raw parsley, olive oil, and feta as you can consume (I chop a whole head of it, seriously, not a clove or two).  Share this with your family because they will also need the immunity boost.

Wash your hands, wear a mask, and cover your sneezes while cooking, please.

If you still have energy, make a giant vat of Raw Ginger Tea.  Take the biggest pot you have, fill it with water.  Grate 3-5 inches of ginger root into it. Simmer for 20 minutes, add the juice of a lemon.  Drink hot with honey or cold as a beverage.  It will sting and at first you will hate it, but you will learn over time that this is a miracle cure and will reduce the time of your illness.

Day Two: This is the day to boil a big pot of water and have some black tea because you just don’t want coffee when you are sick and if you don’t have black tea you will get a caffeine withdrawal headache.

Be sure to put Manuka Honey in your tea and then eat a teaspoon plain because that stuff is pure antibotic and it tastes like a caramel candy.

Use the whole kettle of boiled water.  I get some Bonne Maman jars (with lids) and I mix up some Salt Water to gargle with later.  No mystery, I pour hot water and add salt.  Then I cool and set in fridge.

At the same time I  make Lemon Water.  Same idea, hot water and lemon juice, cool, stick in fridge for the duration of my illness I’ve got quick access to fluid.  I also prepare a Neti Pot because you should never use tap water for a Neti Pot.

For the common cold I find a sore throat with sinus congestion is the next phase, but I’ve notice the flu jumps straight into my chest.  Because asthma runs in my family, I make sure I have some abuterol on hand to ease the tightness in my lungs. Anytime I remember, and usually after a hit of abuterol, I gargle with the salt water.

Day Three: Fever and aches and pains.  Repeat all of the actions above and if it seems like too much and you want to die, you have the flu and you really need to stop and sleep like crazy.  Be sure to notice if you neck hurts or if you are sensitive to light.  Too many young people die of meningitis because they didn’t know the symptoms.  Focus any energy you have on sleeping well with your head elevated. If your bedding sucks, make a resolution to improve it and then keep it when you are better.

Day Four: If you think you are better but you are unsure, ask yourself:  Do I have the energy to wash the sheets that I’ve been sneezing and coughing on?  Do I have the energy to wash my pyjamas?  If you do, then do that before anything else, then ask yourself again…do I have any energy left to empty my bins filled with disgusting kleenex?  If so, great.  If not, go back to bed and repeat until you can clean your room.  That’s the day you know you are better.  Do not go to work and make people like me sick!

Day Five:  You wake and you feel clearer.  Are you able to clean your surroundings as penance to the poor people you live with you had to listen to your bodily noises for the past four days?  Do not decide to go to work unless you can first clean up.  If you can clean up, then by all means you can probably go to work tomorrow.

If the conservatives win and the Affordable Care Act is repealed, we will all need to take better care of each other.  Yes, productivity make decline, but without healthcare we will need to put our health first.